This is the kind of tired when it feels like the exhaustion has crept into your bones and weighs you down like lead. Last week we discovered that our two-week trip to South Asia is most definitely happening after all. I am looking forward to this new adventure, but it also means cramming two weeks’ worth of office work into just a few days.
Between assistant stuff, website stuff, and other beyond-work tasks here and there, it’s a challenge to get in the right state of mind for the actual trip. I have been falling asleep beyond midnight consistently this week–just to catch up on tasks. And it’s not enough. Even the day when I’m scheduled to leave the city has filled in with a last-minute orthodontist appointment in the afternoon.
I need to delegate some of this stuff tomorrow. Otherwise I might not be able to leave at all.
The good news is that I only seem to be physically affected. I’m holding up well, emotionally. (Growth, Lord. Thank you for these tiny increments of growth.) I do need to talk about it a little bit, though. Blogging is a good outlet for writing. Fighting the instinct to self-isolate has been a years-long battle; I am taking steps to express myself to other humans, even if it is through this medium.
Oh. I have realized I am a terrible blogger. I find I don’t have problem with the actual writing; it’s just that I am just very aware of the many rules involved in blogging. Scheduled posts. Niches. Matching graphics. All the branding/marketing stuff. I am bad at that. It’s partly why I haven’t written here for a while, despite some significant milestones or insights I’ve acquired over the month. Partly also because I am a perfectionist–either I do it exactly right or I don’t do it at all.
Came across this video today and it was very encouraging. Serving God and being part of His movement is an adventure, everyday. But it’s easy for me to fall into looking at my Father as a boss I need to appease. The allure of self-sufficiency and trying to earn approval through work. This has always been a struggle of mine. Paradoxically it’s a greater struggle for me to just sit still and… you know, be loved beyond all reason.
At least in the beginning. I’m working on it, steadily. In my journey I have discovered that greater fruitfulness comes from sitting quietly and spending time with God, as opposed to rushing around trying to accomplish much without listening to what He even says. #thebetterpart, yo
You are on my side,
You go before me, You stand behind
You tell my fear to run
Always and forever, You are on my side
This was a good reminder. Put the checklist down, B. You were never meant to carry all this, this way.
Half an hour ’til midnight on this side of the world.
Rest, it is.
Please help pray for our trip to South Asia. We will be going there to work with young people and teams and empowering them in God’s mission purpose. We are running a three-day mobilization course for them and teams from other regions are coming in as well to help out. Pray for meaningful God encounters, unity, protection, and lots of kingdom joy as we work together. 🙂